Jumping head first…

When’s the last time you did something scary or outside of your comfort zone? 

I feel like I’ve decided to jump head first into as many scary things as I can in the last couple weeks and it shows. Lol. The anxiousness, wtfs and me waking up at 4 am to think about all the things (picture the beautiful mind gif with all the floating equations, that’s me. At 4 am.) are starting to creep in and making me ask wtf am I doing?! 

I have been doing so good, so I’m not sure why all of a sudden I’m feeling hit with all the nerves. Or maybe I do know why. Because I doing some of the scariest stuff I’ve ever done. Like doing to most raw and vulnerable interview I’ve ever done in my life. Doing huge things in my current business, about to officially start our first year of homeschooling while also praying for a way for to do something big to expand a future business I know I was created for. 

But I also think that’s the thing with anxiety. It’s a constant tug o war. You’re never really done doing the work. Sometimes you get better and faster at coping, but that doesn’t mean you never have to face it again. 

When I start feeling this way, now I know what I need to do: 


1. Pray. I need to remind myself where my truth comes from. And it’s fo sho not the fear in my head. I just listened to a mediation on fear and it said fear is created in the ego and e.g.o. = Edging God out. I raised a hallelujah to that. It’s so true. Blasting some Jesus jams also really helps get my head and heart right. 

2. Oil up. Literally bathe in all the emotions oils. The emotional oils rock my world and may have made me more of a believer than any other oil because of the level of healing in my soul I believe they prepare and open my heart for. My fave oils for this are: Frankincense, White Angelica, Valor, Stress Away, Harmony, Grounding, Gathering. 

3. Hit the mat for some yoga and me time. Clear the mind. Ground myself. Focus on what’s in front of me or the pose I’m trying to not break my face doing. 

4. Sit in some gratitude. Look for it and call it out everywhere. No matter how big or small. I have a gratitude album on my phone. Any picture that makes me smile and brings joy to my heart gets moved over to this album. I open it up and get ta scrolling when I need to check my mind right. 

5. Pray again, oil up again and dance. Because in my opinion you can never do too much of either and you can’t dance and be in a shit mindset at the same time. Try it. Not possible. 

What are some things you do to ease your anxiousness? Or oils you use to help calm your mind and heart??

10 second hugs…

You’re NEVER too old, too big, too cool for a 10 second bear hug with yo mama. ⁣



My friend, posted about 8 second hugs with her kids a while back and how it takes 8 seconds of being heart to heart for the body to release the hormone oxytocin which stimulates feelings of love, bonding, well being and healing. ⁣

I told Laila about this last year and she was immediately down for one million 8 second hugs a day. She then turned them into verrrrrry slow count 10 second hugs. So she’s basically hugging me almost every waking second which I ain’t mad about. ⁣

But this guy, it’s not every day I get one from him. I always ask him if I can give him one and most days I get a quick half side hug. Which I will gladly take even though I really just wanna grab him and squeeze him and never let him go. But I am BIG on teaching them they get to decide what kind of physical touch is OK, ALWAYS. So I honor the days all he wants is a side hug…or no hug. ⁣

And on the days he wants one, I may pull him down and cradle him like a little baby and count as slow as humanly possible hopefully without ruining any chance for future 10 second hugs. 🤣I thought today’s hug may have pushed those limits, but ever since this mornings 10 second + hug he’s been giving me random hugs all day….even got a couple of cheek kisses…I guess that oxytocin got him. ⁣

Mamas with babies that still willingly wanna hug you, cherish those moments. I gotta also remind myself of this on the days I just want a moment of not being touched by my little stage 5 clinger. 

Now go get you some 8-10 second hugs and tell me how you feel after!!

What’s wrong with a little fitness and a whole lotta Jesus???

Someone recently responded to one of my stories and asked if my Instagram page is turning into a fitness & Jesus page. 

I don’t know them very well and I don’t know what they meant their tone to be. And even without the eye roll emoji, 🤣 we take words from a place of where we are in that moment. I deep sighed. I do sometimes worry I will annoy people with my posts/stories. It has at times even kept me from posting more than I have. But then I remember that I’m not posting for the eye rollers. 
I get this message and for a very split second I let it validate my fear and invalidate alllllll the other messages of encouragement, support and appreciation for showing & sharing my journey. Then I took a deep breath and formed my response that went like, 
“Hey. Thanks for reaching out. I don’t have any current plans to, but living the healthiest and best life I can is one of my main focuses so that’s what I’m showing. If that hits an uncomfortable spot and I am no longer for you because of that, I totally understand. Hope you have a great day. Thanks for your message.” 

Because I do understand. There was once a time, I had a hard time watching others do what I wanted to do, but (physically or emotionally) couldn’t. Or watching others do what I didn’t believe I was capable or deserving of doing. Lots of eye rolling went down. So I get it. And I’m not mad if you need to look away right now (or ever) for your own well-being. 
It’s always ok for you to unfollow or turn your gaze away from what’s not making you feel good. But also maybe think about asking yourself, what about it or why is it making me feel a certain way? And can/should I dig deeper to work through it even when it feels uncomfortable. Or maybe you’re not ready to ask yourself those questions and you just gotta keep repeating certain cycles until you’re ready to no longer repeat them, like I did. It’s hard, ugly and uncomfortable work so I don’t judge anyone from sitting in a place I sat for so long. 

Friends, I don’t know what this page will be. it’s my small corner of social media and it’s my story and it’s still being written, so only time will tell. But if what I am doing/showing right now makes anyone feel any kind of way, it is 💯 ok for you to turn your gaze and not follow along. 

If my faith & workout journey and progress makes you feel uncomfortable, I have a feeling once I really open up about my growth and how I plan to let it guide me….you gonna be reallllllll uncomfortable here in my part of the inter webs. So now may be a good time to make an exit anyway. 🤣
I have learned some hard life lessons in my 40 years of existence and this girl can no longer play small to keep others comfortable. Nope. Cannot do it. And that may not be for you. Now or ever. And that’s ok with me. Whether it’s ok for anyone else how I live and share my life, is not my business so I won’t make it mine. 🤷🏽‍♀️
That’s a message I hope everyone learns way sooner than I did. There’s so much freedom in knowing what others think of you has NOTHING to do with you (unless you’re just an awful human, which I don’t believe anyone wants to be that) and everything to do with where they currently are in life. 

100 days stronger


Over the last 100 days, I’ve ended up with some baby biceps, a 2 pack (that’s still kinda hiding but I know it’s there), less jiggly in my jiggly spots and that’s not even the best part….The gains felt on the inside are the biggest win. The mental, emotional and self love and acceptance muscles are straight flexin hard, yo. ⁣

It’s crazy. On the day I completed the #100dayproject AND my century (100th) yoga class, a memory popped up from this day last year. We were on vacation and I posted how I was desperately trying to choose gratitude and grace through the pain and frustration of my body constantly giving out on me. I remembering later breaking down because I was felt like I was failing in life and failing my family because I physically couldn’t be the wife and mom they needed. I lost who I was and didn’t think I would ever get to be who I knew I was created to be. ⁣

Buuuuut she back. With a little more sass, a whole lotta passion for living life and a strong desire to make some sh!t happen while working on nailing a graceful headstand without tipping over. Watch out. It’s all happening. I feel it in my no longer constant achy bones. ⁣

I also nailed a non graceful headstand that Laila recoded. Ps- she’s fired as my camera girl.😂 you had one job, Laila. One job. ⁣

Ready to go for another 100 days! Who wants to join me?!! ⁣

7/7/2020

Chasing gratitude.

Filing this under daily gratitudes and blessings. I almost didn’t post this picture because let’s be honest, I am not a pretty sleeper. But ohhh for this moment, I had prayed. As a desperate non believer, I prayed so hard for this child after years of heart ache, infertility and lots of loss. I never prayed so hard. ⁣


And here we are. ⁣

Constantly blessed (and sometimes stressed 🤣) by her colorful presence and presents in this world. She is an actual rainbow after the storm. And sometimes she IS also the storm. & I love that about her even on the days it makes it hard to parent her. ⁣

So grateful that Eric felt the love and gratitude for both his girls in this moment, to capture it. Then send it to your mom with the text, “look at your girls”. 😭 ⁣

A few years ago, I decided to chase gratitude. Even…or especially on the hard days. I’m still chasing it, except today I find more of it. Not because I’m more blessed (although I do feel more blessed), but because I have been intentional in playing hide and seek with it. ⁣

Don’t miss or overlook it because it’s hiding in the ordinary spaces. Seek it out. Say “found ya” out loud when you find it. Play this game all damn day, every day. Until it becomes part of your normal daily routine, even on the hard days and even when there’s a hint of sarcasm behind it (sarcasm may be my coping mechanism which I just read wasn’t healthy, but baby steps 😬). There were some days all I could be thankful for was a cup of coffee or just making it through the day. But I’ve come a long way since then and if I can, I believe anyone can. ⁣

(7/15/2020)

What is something you’re grateful for in this moment??

Lean in…to your gifts.

Working realllll hard to teach and show my kids that worth will never come from a grade or ANY external factor…while constantly reminding myself of that very thing. I wish I would have learned this lesson so much sooner in life. 

Academics may not come easy to him, but kindness, empathy & creativity do. And he has such a gift for recognizing a friend in need. I’ll take that all day, every day over a letter grade. 

Shine bright in your gifts, friends. Focus on all that you are instead of all that you’re not and see what happens. Another lesson I wish I would have learned sooner. But damn is it ever being shown to me now. Loud and clear. Better late than never, right? 

If you don’t know what your gifts are yet (I didn’t know mine until recently), what have you been told by friends or loved ones is a gift you possess? Maybe even be brave enough ask those around you. I promise you have a gift only you can give, in a way only you can. Sometimes it’s a matter of recognizing it and not ignoring or running from it. if you’re the praying type, talk to God…ask him to show you. Here’s a prayer I’ve been praying, “Lord, here I am with open hands and open heart. ready to step into who you have created me to be. To use the gifts and talents you have blessed me with in a way that shows people who you are, how you love and the life you want for them. And imma maybe need you to make it realllll clear for a sister because there’s still a little bit of fear that’s sometimes clouding your whispers. So maybe holla at a girl!” 🤣 annnnnd boy is he hollering lately. And sending the people to also holla at a girl. Even if you’re not the praying type (trust me, I get it. I was not for more than half my life), you can still talk to God. He will be happy to hear from you. If you don’t know how to pray or what to say (I also feel you on that, I’m still learning), feel free to borrow my very scholarly written prayer. 

So let’s hear it…do you know your gifts? I’d love to hear what they are. Or are you about to go figure em out?? 

Ps: thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 😆

Guess who’s back. Back again.

MayHam’s back . Tell a friend.

just in case you forgot what I looked like. This is the face of 2020 MayHam. New & improved.

Well I’m doing the damn (blog) thing….again. Hopefully I can figure it out and keep at it this time around. Until then, I may be spamming you rapid fire style with some of my recent social medial posts that I would like to also live here on my little empty corner of the blog world.

Thanks for being here with me.

wishing you all the love, rainbows and coffee.

xoxo,

-m

looking for wholeheartedness

IMG_6717The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto. This. So. Much. This.

This book (Daring Greatly) totally rocked my world. I’m not gonna lie, it took me a long time to finally be ready to read and comprehend the words on these pages. I have struggled so much throughout my life with feelings of worthiness and self love and self acceptance and where I belong. And this manifesto right here is WHY I am working so hard on changing my behaviors and self talk.

In her book, Brené Brown says “we can’t give our children what we don’t have.” So without making some serious and intentional changes, I cannot lead by example. I cannot show them how to live in a place of self love and worthiness and belonging unless I am living that life as well. I won’t discount the progress I have already made because I do feel I am a better person today than I was a week ago, a month a ago, a year ago. But I also know that I can do better. Much better. For myself. For my children. Because. This. This is what I want for myself and my kids.

Stay tuned while I continue the search for wholeheartedness…

 

xoxo,

m

coffee mugs & tears

What a perfect day to bust out one of my most treasured coffee mugs that usually IMG_0965.JPGcarefully sits in a safe place in my mug cabinet. I remember climbing up on my tata’s lap as a little girl to sit with him as he sipped his coffee from this mug every morning. And as time passed, I remember watching Andrew climb up on his lap and do the same as a little boy. I am so thankful that both my nana and tata got to meet at least one of my babies. I wish they were here to be part of Ash and Laila’s lives, I know they would just get the biggest kick outta these 2 crazies. I wish I had more time with them, it wasn’t enough. But I feel so lucky to have so many amazing memories of all the time we did have together.

I remember every morning as I rushed out the door to get to class or work…my tata was sitting there in his chair, sipping his coffee. I would give him and Andrew a kiss on the head, tell them I loved them and run out. One morning I ran out of the house, he wasn’t in his chair yet. He was getting ready for his much anticipated hunting trip with my uncles. I didn’t wait. I just ran out. Without saying goodbye. Without telling him I loved him. Without kissing him on the head. Without seeing him in his chair, sipping his coffee. That morning I didn’t know that I would never have the chance to do any of those things ever again. Grief is so weird. It just sneaks up on you and sometimes and just slaps you in the face. This morning I reached up for this cup because I thought it was so appropriate being we leave for Hawaii in a few days. But as I cupped this mug in my hands and brought it to my face…the smell of coffee hitting my nose instantly took me back to being that little girl sitting on his lap smelling his coffee and snuggling up in his arms and made me miss him and my nana something fierce.

Don’t ever be too busy to tell someone you love and appreciate them. Slow down. Take the time. Say the words. Appreciate the moments.

 

xoxo,

-m

cuteness + compassion

The face and the heart of a kid that will change the world one smile, one wave, one thumbs up, one dab and one act of kindness at a time. Maybe I’m blinded by mom googles, but I’m convinced his loving and compassionate soul is much older and wiser than that of a typical 7 year old….on most days. I’m not *that* blinded.

17917373_10212825434777742_7662996984968568749_o
And speaking of acts of kindness, Ash is still collecting baby items for his birthday charity drive. This year he is collecting items for the Hushabye Nursery which is working hard to open a recovery center for infants experiencing Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome. Did you know that every 25 minutes a baby is born addicted? That’s a lot of babies needing specialized care and patient hearts. His goal is to make sure the center has enough baby blankets, clothes, swings/bouncers and diapers when they open their doors and take their first tiny little patient. If you are interested in donating any new or gently used baby items, let us know and we can add you to the fb event page or send you the amazon Hushabye nursery wish list.

 

xoxo,

m